Before I try to say anything entertaining, I hope you'll permit me a small information tangent. This blog has been brought into existence by me, Andrew, to service the needs of the friends I email and who email me. I'm sick of trying to remember email addresses when I'm at work, and too lazy to organise some sort of crazy address book action, so I'm hoping this will make it easier for all concerned to share their thoughts. Those thoughts might be a profound exploration of the mysteries of life, or a link to the latest YouTube video showing semi-naked japanese women riding mechanical bulls and throwing pies at each other.
Anyway, I thought I'd actually write about something useful in this debut post, so I'm going to let you know about the wonderful world of opposites. Over Christmas I went up to Byron Bay to see my family. One night I was drinking with my brother and our cousins. The conversation turned to red wine stains. I offered helpfully (at least I thought so) that the best thing to do to get a red wine stain out is to soak it in white wine. The white wine dissolves the red wine and all of the wine can then be washed away.
As logical as this seems, my brother was not convinced. He responded swifltly and with alarming stupidity: 'That's ridiculous. That's like saying that if you spill tomato sauce on your clothes you should soak it in barbeque sauce to get rid of the stain. Tomato sauce and barbeque sauce are opposites, right, so according to you that should work.'
Now, while my brother's response missed the point in every important respect, we were all intrigued about his confident assumption that tomato sauce and barbeque sauce are 'opposites'. We wondered what other items might have a yang to their yin, a Captain Pollution to their Captain Planet. We thus set out to compile a list of opposites. Unfortunately we were drunk, so I can only recall a few for your reading pleasure.
Opposites:
Tomato Sauce - Barbeque Sauce
Black Bean Sauce - Whipped Cream
Peri Peri Sauce - Saliva
Tabasco Sauce - Apple and Guava Juice
Port - Passion Pop
Jatz Biscuits - Fairy Floss
Chicken - a Red Brick
Baileys Irish Cream - Islam
That's all I can think of for the moment. If you believe there are any obvious 'opposites' I've neglected, let me know by leaving a comment. It's one of those things you can do on blogs.
12 comments:
This isn't funny, so don't laugh, but it is Pythagoras and he's a dude.
The Pythagorean
Table of Opposites
1 limited unlimited
2 odd even
3 one plurality
4 right left
5 male female
6 resting moving
7 straight curved
8 light darkness
9 good bad
10 square oblong
'Square v Oblong'??
What about Square v Honey Chicken? Pythagoras was full of shit.
geek v having a life (?)
He may have been full of shit, but he invented / discovered more triangles than you. And you can be a geek and have a life, for example.. y'know that guy...
I got it. Superman. He's proof. He was a geek by day and a superhero by night.
Yeah, but is being a Superhero really having a meaningful life? I mean, sure you get the warm glow of satisfaction of getting cats out of trees and saving babies from getting run over by trucks, but you don't really see Superman out socialising, do you?
Imagine Superman trying to pull at a club... I'm sure George can think up a suitably slimy come-on line...
not to mention the fact that a geek who is also "super" is as rare as a brass monkey's bollocks
Well said Kate well said.
That's true. My brass monkeys are usually newtered before I get them to hand from the chandeliakrlirli. I may have spelt those words wrong. It's likely. Don't hold it against me. I'm new to this.
Don't hold it against me. I'm new to this.
What, writing?
Bruce Wayne holds lots of charity benefits. I bet an event like that'd be a great place to pick up.
Yeah, but they're always interrupted by him having to do something Batman-y.
Plus, Bruce Wayne's thing for the ladies is just an act. I mean, he hangs around little boys in tights.
No wonder he's your personal hero.
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