Jog Blog

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming. At best, I can only write something insightful and provocative every three days or so. In the mean time:

I never used to enjoy going for a jog, but then I got an mp3 player. Now it's much more tolerable, since the boredom factor is reduced. Having said that, I usually listen to the same album every time I go for a run, so I have some way of measuring my progress. If I've reached the halfway point of my route by the end of track five, I know I'm doing okay.

There are other ways of making mundane fitness rituals more interesting. Here's a few fun games to play while jogging:

Try to avoid stepping in dog poo

Try to avoid getting run over by a car or cyclist. If you run on a bike track while listening to music as I do, the latter is especially difficult.

Mix it up a bit by breaking into a sprint occasionally. Usually this coincides with trying to outrun a crazy dog, off its leash, that is quickly bearing down on you while its owner chuckles heartily at your expense.

Play the 'man or woman' game. This is a game I invented that can only be played in twilight or at night. The game commences when you see someone far up ahead in the distance. The object of the game is to guess whether they are a man or a woman. Now, this is not as easy as it sounds. Here are some of the ways it's played out for me in the past, as recounted by my inner monologue:

1. That’s gotta be a man. Yep, it’s- ...wait. Just a little closer... oh. No, big woman. She really did look like a dude from back over there...
   
2. She’s definitely a chick. And, actually, she looks like she could be a very good looker! I’ll jog closer to the path so I can perve on her a littl- Oh. Hang on. I think... shit. It’s a guy. That’s so wrong.
   
3. (much more rare): Girl, I think. She seems to be pretty hot. But wait, we’ve been down that road before. Let’s reserve judgment. Ok, getting closer, and... Nice! Jogging babe! Suddenly, all this exercise is paying off! Alright body, it’s go time. Let’s jog slowly past her while trying to look masculine and not just puffed.

Exciting news, everyone.
I’ve been jogging for a while now, and lately I don’t seem to be improving all that much. I jog the same route every time, and at the moment it’s taking me 50-55 minutes. I want to get that down to no more than 45 minutes, but how? About an hour ago, I was playing the Wii, and part of the answer hit me. The game I was playing (Wii Sports) displays a graph of your scores over time so that you can see whether you’re actually getting better. It seemed to be an idea begging to be stolen. So, I’ll record my times and make up a graph.

But I can also do better than the Wii, because unlike the Wii I am a human being, and as such, can operate and update a web site. To which end: I’m going to post my results on the net, and link to them from this blog. That way, you can all see whether I’m getting better or not. From my point of view, it’s really not important whether you actually care enough to check the results (quite frankly I don’t know why you would). I just need that extra pressure to achieve, the thought that everyone will be able to see what a big wuss I am if I don’t start improving my time.